This describes what I've been going through lately...
Duff
from http://www.buddhanet.net/knowledg.htm:
8) Knowledge of disenchantment - nibbida-nana
Hence the knowledge of disenchantment, (nibbida-nana). Nibbida, or disenchantment, is simply the opposite of enchantment. Normally we are enchanted by experience. A man sees a beautiful woman and instinctively is drawn into her circle of charm. He is "charmed", enchanted. He feels there is real satisfaction to be gained by possessing her, and so pursues her to gain that satisfaction. This whole movement is based on the notion: if only I possess that, then all my problems will be solved. The essence of the knowledge of disenchantment is that, even in the very fantasy itself, the meditator knows that the object of his desire will not solve his problem. He knows that even if he leaves the meditation centre and attains his most heart-felt desire, this too is unsatisfactory. There is no situation that he can imagine which is satisfactory. All his desires and fantasies are like ashes in his mouth.
A few months ago I was gung-ho about everything! So many projects and goals and growth galore.
After a couple meditation retreats (one 11-Day, one 3-day), I feel--viscerally--that all my goals and plans and desires and fantasies lead to suffering.
Hopefully this is just a stage on the path....
Access: Public
dark night
April 2008
Wow Duff. This is incredibly interesting being the achiever that I am and seek to be. Please contact me as I would love to speak more in depth upon this subject.
I know this feeling Duff. What can I say? I wrote a blog on desire earlier this week, I guess it’s in the air.
What does it mean to be alive and be human? What is the heart of the problem, what will solve it? What are we seeking to fulfill through our myriad actions on this Earth?
Last night I had a conversation with friends involving the first noble truth: Life is suffering, followed by the second that says suffering comes from attachment and desire.
But, I study Taoism, which teaches that life has a natural flow - that is Tao and it offers the path for our lives. It all depends on how I choose to behave and enact my goals. Am I seeking to control, or am I seeking to be open and generous without, in some way, desire? That’s the crux of the action vs. non-action issue.
I have recently been focusing on goals, positivity, growth, ascension, tasks. But, in my heart my only real aim is to manifest my true self on the Earth and fulfill my purpose Perhaps letting go of this desire would be transformative, perhaps I would then be able to thoroughly embody this light. But, I realize I’m a human being and I must use the tools at hand. We live in the world, thus we have to participate on some level in our own lives, that’s the human condition.
But, you know I feel like I am looking at the stars and yearning for them. It’s a process of opening up to “Tao” and working to make myself the best I can be. I develop myself to try to have less desire, less striving, even though it is striving that brings me here. I am happiest when my life flows from a faith and connection that I don’t have to contrive or control. I love when I am just clear and my actions are un-attached. Incedentally, that is also when I see the most results, growth, and progress. When I am not in that space I use what I’ve got to serve the best in myself. I recognize the possibility that there may be some suffering as a consequence of my lack of understanding and that “desire,” I think that comes with the territory of being human.
Have you read the Heart Sutra? It is famous for the “substance is emptiness, emptiness is substance bit.” I think you would benefit from its wisdom.
And I don’t think you have to worry about it being just a stage on the path:) It’s all a stage on the path, as long as we’re living!
A mere 8 days later and I feel ecstatic. Impermanence is hilarious! :)
Hi Duff,
Came across your blog through a google search - I find it pretty useful as a source of some very good ideas, thanks! :-)
This particular entry reminded me or another similar entry about a blogger Nipun… who went out on a walk around the country (http://nipun.charityfocus.org/about/walk.html)
Churn and Burn
http://nipun.charityfocus.org/blog/ar/pilgrimchicodra/000592.html
Hey Jessica, I’d once been in a Zen dojo for a few months where they’d been chanting the Heart Sutra… (I’d been given a translation but unfortunately I somehow misplaced it and had to return to India and forgot about it) Thanks for reminding me of it, I’m going to google for it and find out what it was about… it sounds pretty interesting…
Until next time,
Sanjay